old entry on my san fran trip

I had an amazing time on my san fransico mini-vacation.

The driving was fun, I love driving, its super relaxing, plus we had allot of great music to Jam to all the way there and back.

we got there did some fun shopping, kinda wished i had picked a better place to go shopping, but, meh what are you gonna do. I did end up getting one AMAZING dress, I left the belt part in the Hostel but I work it without the belt and it looked good so no big deal.

The Hostel we stayed at was super awesome. the people were amazingly nice, the beds were super comfy. and we could walk to the show. True we were liek only a few blocks away from a pretty sketchy area, but they told us where to avaoid, and where all the cool stuff was, and it was clean and everything. I love this place and I will most definatly stay there, or at any other H.I hostel I can in the future. I sare to god, the bunk beds they had, were more comfy than any hotel bed I have ever stayed at!

the show was supurb, I really lieked the venue, apparantlly it used to be a bordello, it had a cool liek balcony area and the like decor was just super pretty. all these carvings and stuff, with epic pilars and the colors were nice, and it had an amazing chandeler over the dace floor. I wish i knew arcitactuaral vocabulary so i could better explain how pretty this building is. But I just love all the archtecture thu all of san fransico. The stage was really close. we sat up at a table in the balcony area for the opening acts and had some side-cars. (which were amazing, and btw the bartender by the dance floor was way better than the one on the balcony). We were having a great time and went out for a smoke a few times, Farmer Dave was really good, who was their first opender, I really liekd it, but it was weird to look down at the dnacefloor and everyone is just....staning there, verry still. verry boring, so we drank and amoked and then we ended up going to the corner during the second opener (becuase they were awful and i was pretty drunk) And michael forced me to eat some pizza, and it was some of the best piza ever. All the food was excellent. Any way, we ended up getting back right as jenny and Johnny were about to take the stage.

I was soo exited, i was worried about the type of people at the show, becuase, I am not a stand still and watch a show kind of girl, I knew micheal and I were gonan be dancing fools, so we went tward the back of the dance floor, and it was just amazing. Their voices are just so god together, I totally freaked out when they played Next Messiah, I really like that song, it just hits me with every note, and it is 9 min, and it changes allot during the corse of the song but dosnt sound random, and I had a great time getting thrown around the floor by Mr. Michael. It was great. I also loved dancing to Big Wave that was probably our best number haahaaa. Animal was supurb liek i knew it would be. Thats is definatlly in my top three of the album. Anyway the whole show was amazing, and I was too drunk to be a stalker at the end of the show. And I ended up fallin on my ass right onto the sidewalk and made micheal eat the words "I will not scoop you up off the floor of the tenderloin"

I liked to be able to have this time with micheal too. I have been feeling like, maybe we are only “best friends” because I am close to him. But I really remembered that I do love to be around him, and I thik he genuinely likes to be around me. I feel like he sems to be changing and getign farther away from me. And that was making me sad, because, I usually have quite a few people very close to me for me to connect with and lean on. And I feel like, I have been encroaching on his personal space, or like being too needy of a friend becuas ehes the only one close by. And I didn’t want to be like all up in his face, especially since he has alex, but I decided to just go with my gut and go for the trip with him and I think it really worked out.

It was also intresting to think about how each freinshp I have is different.

then we went to back to the hostle to change real quick, and the peopel there helped us find someplace to party, which all ended up having lines so we went to a place called cafe mason, where i forgot what i ordered till i got it. but it was amazing, then it was back to the hostle for some monopoly deal.

the next morning we went to the peir for lunch and shopping, which was kinda a let-down, but the lobster soup i had was to die for and totally satisfyed my seafood requirment. i wish we coudl ahve stayed longer, but we came back to some amazing partys in simi, which was a nice way to re-connect with everyone out there becuase its beed so long.

it was a really nice way to get away from everythign and rememebr what happyness feels like. and what it feels liek to just connect with whats around you and experiance new things.

Im a little sad that when i got back allot of my anxity came bac, i dont know what i thought san fran would cure me, I really was hoping to come back and feel liek a completlly new person, and now that i am kind of just hitting the same walls and facing the same fights and struggles, its almost more difficult to stay focused, but What I think i need to remember, that i had an amazing time, I had an amazing experiance and I shouldn't let myself waste it, I shoudl let it revive me and inspire me to get what I need to get done done.

making a post for all my election rants so i don't clutter my facebook with it and annoy everyone..

21 didnt pass?!? 21?! commmon bitches 18$ fucking dollars for STATE PARKS! why does no one seem to care about parks anymore? oh everyone going green cuz its so fuckin hip , but no one wants to keep our parks alive? it's gross, we have some pretty fuckin great parks too. ugggh at least 23 didn't pass, but i guess it has the word green in it so its more hip. it just doesn't make sense to me how that happens. you know why- because NOT EVERYONE understands what they are voting on!!

on republican control of the house.

me-- It just sucks to see the house go back to the republicans. You all wanted change 2 years ago, and when it didn't happen overnight, you just got pissed, instead of trying to help. Now its going to be nearly IMPOSSIBLE to get ANYTHING done. but i guess thats what the republicans want right? to not have any progress. sounds great. I guess no one really wanted change after all.

katie -----have been a bit disappointed but now maybe things will change?? Now Democrats know you can't just sit back and relax because there is democratic prez in office.

me------i dont think that that was what was happing though personally. i think now nothing is going to get done. the reason things weren't happening the way people wanted them to (i think) was because thats what the senate always does to any legislation, its just there to stop things form happening, and especially when you have almost exactly half of the people trying to top you, simply to stop you most of the time. everything is gonna take a while. and now (i think) its just going to get harder. Maybe it will make the dems work a little harder, and start kicking ass and taking names and bragging and stuff, but mostly (i think) it will just make the dems blame the republicans even more,for everything, and we will fall further into this D.C narrative of a divided and crumbling america. and i think that fundamentally that isn't even true of america. but like i said thats just what i think, and i don't know that much. i just am kinda glad the election is over at this point ya know?

on prop 19

I personally am not surprised it didn't pass. I know up in Humbot county they had a HUGE anit-prop 19 camping going on from all the growers up there. also all the medical marijuana clinic people were also campaigning for no on prop 19 for the same reasons.( Plus you got all the uptight people who think Pot is going to kill all the babies. ) maybe in 2012, but i don't know. unfortunately people are selfish. They don't want to see their country or state or society grow. They just want to see their own wallet grow. Its not about what's thd best idea it about what gets them ahead. Total bullshit. I think the "shitty mass-produced, government-endorsed, taxed, regulated, and covered in health warning labels pot" will be just as bad as the "shitty mass-produced, government-endorsed, taxed, regulated, and covered in health warning labeled" alcohol, and i find that quite delightful, and also allot more damaging to my body, and plus with the money the state could make form it it is a crime that we not take advantage of it. Just like most people who deal weed, we really need the fuckin money man. its not liek they can really ruin weed, they can make it way more expensive, but im fine with that if it makes California the richest state in the country so we can stop being so pathetic. lol.

loosing the borrowed car

I know I knew it was coming, but man, it still sucks.

It feels like I’m loosing my freedom all over again.

And I am no where near further along than I was 6 weeks ago.

Damn, I just need a car .

I am still surprised i am this sad about it,

i just, i dunno, wish i had a little more going on to help me get the things i need, i jsut hat that its a waiting game i have been playing since the beginning of the freaking summer.

oh well

at least i have a kitten now.


gotta get into it

Working on staying positive and forward moving.

getting ready for the shit storm that is gonna be this upcoming few months. Especially, August.

Hoping that in 6 months. It'l all be over, and I will be facing a different kind of storm.

A storm I have been dying to truly face since i was a child.

BBut i truly believe I can do anything if i work hard enough.

1 2 3 fucking GO!

update/place to write that thing

So i have decided I am going to read 1984 every summer, and every time i read it after i am going to write about it. I want to keep a journal where I write a refection every book i read form here on out, but i havent gotten that notebook yet so I am gonna write it here, for now, but first a quick snapshot of my life right now

-got a new job, quit that silly sex shop. It was fun while it lasted, and i always have some insane stories, but the people who ran it were just bad bad people, and i hated working for them. I feel kinda bad for getting megan involved with that crazy shit, but how was i to know it would just keep getting crazyer and more ridic with every passing moment.

-My new job is amazing. Sometimes I am afraid that I don't know enough and I am gonna screw up any second, but luckily, jonna is the best, and is always there for me. Its the best paying job I have ever had, and I want to do my best, not just because it pays well, but because i want to really help jonna and do my best to make her proud.

-My car, the great lovey blu has dies, after throwing in grand after grand after grand to keep fixing all the different things that kept breaking down, we finally have givin up and i will be looking into loans and such this summer so I can possible get a new car by august...I really loved that car, but its just way too expensive to keep fixing. gonna try to get a old cheap reliable, (and cheap to fix) car to get me to point A B and C.

-Men are a waste of time. Always have been always will be.If something falls in my lap great, if not, good, I have lots of other things I want to get done at this time in my life

- I have planned an insanely busy year fr myself But I'm ready and exited to do it.

-Coachella changed my life. I will be going every year for the rest of my life, no questions asked.

-lost some weight, wanna loose more.

-want to do more on the acting front, I've just been so busy getting out of debt I haven't been able to do the things I want to do for my career for a few years, but at the end of the summer, watch the fuck out. I plan on being 90% debt free before I start CSUN.

ok a brief thing on 1984 so i can start reading it again without disturbing what i wanted to say about it the first time.

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what is it

what is it with guys?

why can they try to get me mentally attracted to them
why dont they get that you have to turn on my mind before you can turn on my sex drive.

i just fell so frustrated.
im thinking, wow finally some guys that like me.

but damn.

maybe i hang out with gay guys too much.
but i honestlly dont think its too much to ask that i find a guy who intelectually and artisticlly exites me the same whay my friends do.

plus i think i've crushes on straight me who were more what i was looking for than these guys.
not that they are stupid or anything...just ...

why cant the ones i want be the ones that liek me back.
i dont even want to give this new guy a try.
i suppose i should, but

god can't you just keep your hands to your damn self?

what a waste of time.

movie was good though.
we saw up in the air.
check it out